To grow or not to grow?

Have you come to a part of your life when you cannot decide what exactly do you intend to advance? To be something or someone, or simply just live by the day. What causes such disruptions? It's like you are at this cross-road and there's many paths infront of you and it's like a ala-carte... It's not really something buffet-ie... You want to decide, yet you don't feel like doing shit because it's stepping into the unknown and it's that terrible "what-if" question again that haunts you.

I feel this now again and I am serious in not knowing why. I said that I didn't wanna grow up, yet I wanna grow up so I can experience things in life, and at times, I feel like I am this child... There's this infliction and I cringe because I feel so damn tired by the whole dramatic episode.

Is this caused by the self? Is there no outlet where I can actually express this conflict? Perhaps the body and mind do have a limit for things... Things such as "illness" of the mental and/or physical state.

I find myself being happy at one point and only feeling empty the next. I hope this is not some mental psychological stress of the coming of age. Perhaps at this point in life, there're many choices and responsibility and with that, you need to come to a decision. This decision making period is the most exhausting and tedious for I find such weight over-barring and it just tires me out. I, for now feel like just going to a place to calm my nerves... I am beginning to become like this nervous, jumpy and edgy cat. Moody at times too.

I witness a dying star, so I prayed for the world...

I apologise for everything that happened, I just am not in the right state of mind.